About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
