when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
