i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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