Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
