I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
