Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
