I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
