they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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