UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
