Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
