i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
