I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
