Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
