you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
