My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
