Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
