haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
