no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
