I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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