Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
