Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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