New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
