I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
