How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
