This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
