There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
