Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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