I'm eating all of the evidence.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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