i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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