ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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