New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
