ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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