We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
