I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
