I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
