I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You ruined the universe
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
