I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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