i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
