I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
