my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
