So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
