you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
