stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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