There is no way he is gay with that hair.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
