Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her vagine was all disorganized.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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