i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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