And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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