My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
