dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
