Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
