I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
