I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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