he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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