You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
