first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
