Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
did i just pee glitter
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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