Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
