My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize