i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
