There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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