i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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