I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
