If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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