um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
