this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think a kid would responsible me up
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
