I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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