Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
