I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
