Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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