what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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