what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This girl is more easily done than said...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
