Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize