I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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