do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
