It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just threw up on my dentist
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize