He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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