...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
