Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Come see our sink grown plant.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
