thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
