Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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