Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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