I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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