Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize